JOM LAYAN IKLAN

Monday, January 3, 2011

A TEST FOR NOT BEING HOPELESS

FOR I DO FEEL HOPELESS..... THE FEELING OF NOT BEING ABLE TO HELP TO THE FULLEST BUT INSTEAD I’M MAKING MORE AND MORE TROUBLE. SAYANG WAS VERY UPSET WITH ME. MAY BE I WAS BEING TOO MUCH FOR ASKING SAYANG TO EAT MORE YESTERDAY... HE SAID THAT I WAS BEEING TOO MUCH SINCE THE DAY BEFORE... L I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I DID... I WAS JUST DOWN...VERY VERY EXTREMELY DOWN ESP WHEN HE REFUSED TO DO LIKE WHAT I EXPECT HIM TO DO... (BANYAK TU...SEMUA UNTUK KEBAIKAN DIA JUGAK L )
ALL I WANT IS TO SEE HIM RECOVER AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.  I FEEL SO CRIPPLE HERE AND I FEEL INSECURE TOO. I AM FEELING SO LOST. I AM NEITHER THE NURSE NOR THE DOCTOR TO HELP SAYANG FEEL BETTER. I CAN ONLY HELP HIM WITH THE BLANKET... THE NEVER ENDING TISSUE PASSING SUPPLY, WATER, FEED HIM... ALL THE REMOTE BUTTONS HE NEEDS ME TO BE.  WHEN IT COMES TO MEDICAL HELP.... I COULD ONLY WATCH THE NURSES AND THE DOCTORS DO THEIR JOB. SITTING AND WATCHING HELPLESSLY SEEING THEM HANDLING THE BLOOD PRESSURE, TEMPERATURE TAKING, THE NEBULIZER ROUTINE, THE O2..... AND ALL THESE MEDICAL THINGY THEY DID TO SAYANG REALLY MADE MY HEART PITTER PATTER, MY STOMACH ACHED AND MY KNEES JELLYED, AND MY BRAIN CRAZY.... ALL I COULD DO IS JUST TO PRAY TO ALLAH FOR SAYANG’S FAST RECOVERY. THIS IS WHAT HAPPEN WHEN U SEE SOMEONE U LOVE SICK. THE LOVE FOR SAYANG.


(WAS MY BACKDATED ENTRY 15 DEC 2010 WHEN SAYANG WAS ADMITTED IN THE ICU UNT, PANTAI MED BANGSAR )

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