JOM LAYAN IKLAN

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

DARI PANTAI LANGKAWI KE PANTAI BANGSAR

CAME BACK FROM LANGKAWI ON THE 14TH BY FLIGHT.

FRANKLY SPEAKING I DID NOT REALLY ENJOY MY TRIP THERE. SAYANG WAS SO SICK. MOST OF THE TIME, I'D BE TRAVELLING ALONE.  SAYANG WENT OUT WITH ME ONLY TO BUY THE FLASK AND THE ISLAND HOPPING TRIP.  I BLAME MYSELF FOREVER FOR DRAGGING SAYANG INTO THIS HEART TRENCHING VACATION.  I HATE MYSELF HOW.

ONCE WE TOUCHED DOWN...I GOT TO SENT HIM TO THE HOSPITAL AND WAS SENT STRAIGHT TO THE ICU.  HE'S LUNGS WERE BADLY INFECTED. I WAS SO DOWN. NO ONE WAS THERE TO HELP ME OUT NOR TO COMFORT ME. I CRIED AND CRIED FOR ALLAH'S HELP. I SCOLDED SAYANG FOR NOT FOLLOWING MY SUGGESTION TO CANCEL THE TRIP. THAT NIGHT I WENT TO SEE MY DEAR HONEY. I POUR ALL MY TEARS AND FEELINGS OUT. ATLEAST IT HELPED TO COMFORT ME.

SECOND ICU FOR SAYANG THIS TIME. I GUESS IT WOULD BE ROUTINE FOR ME FOR EVERY 5/6 YEARS FROM NOW. EMOTIONALLY I WAS VERY DOWN. I COULD NOT SLEEP NOR EAT. I JUST SLEPT IN THE CAR AT THE PARKING LOT JUST TO WAIT FOR THE NEXT COMING VISITING HOURS TO SEE HIM.

TODAY IS THE THIRD DAY OF ADMISSION. AFTER JOTTING DOWN A FEW WORDS HERE, I PLANNED TO CLEAN THE HOUSE FOR DIBA AND IRA. I AM SO GRATEFUL TO MY COUSIN FOR LETTING ME TO BRING HER DAUGHTER TO MY HOUSE YESTERDAY.  THAT HELPS ME ALOT FROM NOT TO GO KUKU WHEN I CAME BACK FROM THE HOSPITAL. ATLEAST I HAVE SOMEONE ELSE TO TALK TO, TO FOCUS ON OTHER THINGS THAN CRYING ALL NIGHT LONG (IT HAPPENED THE FIRST NIGHT).

NOT THAT SAYANG IS DYING. HE CAN TALK, AND HE CAN ALSO WALK... BUT HE IS NOT REALLY A FIGHTER.... THIS MADE ME SO DOWN. I'M EXPECTING HIM TO BE STRONG. I AM NOT STRONG..... I HAVE TO CALL MY KAK ZU OR MESSAGING HER JUST FOR SOME ADVICE...  SHE WOULD BE THE ONE ENCOURAGING ME TO BE STRONG.  WHATEVER IT IS... SEEING MY SAYANG LIKE THIS REALLY MADE ME CRIPPLE. I'M FIGHTING WITH  MY INNER SELF TO BE STRONG AND ALHAMDULILLAH.... ON THIS THIRD DAY... THE DAY OF ASYURA... I FEEL BETTER. I REALLY WANT TO GO AND SEE HIM DAY READ SOME DOA....

ALLAH IS GREAT. HE DID NOT GIVE ME THE PLEASURE OF LIFE LIKE I ALWAYS REQUESTED IN MY DOA. INSTEAD, HE GAVE ME MORE AND MORE TESTS. I HAVE TO BE REDHO FOR ALL THESE TESTS EVEN THOUGH IT HURTS... I DO NOT THINK SO THAT I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED ALL THE TESTS AND SO I FELL LIKE ALL THE TESTS ARE PILING UP NOW. I BELIEVE THAT I HAVE TO SOUGHT IT NOT ONE BY ONE... BUT AT ONCE. I MUST GET PLETHORA OF ADVICE FOR THIS.

WITH THE NAME OF ALLAH...MOST GRACIOUS AND THE MOST MERCIFUL.  MUSTAJAB DOA ANA. AMIIN.

No comments:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...